Written By Jeff Beaulieu
It looks like I haven't written a single "blogging" word for years. I never really knew how to start, how to truly expose my heart with meaningful words or how to find the perfect way to expose my guts without sounding off tuned. It's been an unbelievably long time, but I still remember the period when Alex was emerging from his minuscule writing room with an incredible piece of art he was simply referring to as "a few daubing words for hopeful hangovers". To be honest, every blog was not only a unique way to learn a little more about Alex, but a strange way to learn a little more about ourselves as well. Some silences are louder than others; I guess Alex's blogging silence has been the noisiest truth about what we were all going through in the band for the past couple of months. I know that the "Love Is A Promise Whispering Goodbye" video series has been a real shock to a lot of people. I received thousands of messages since all episodes of the video series were publicly posted. Messages asking us if the band was about to breakup; messages asking us if we were taking a break away from music; messages asking us if we were deleting our MySpace account; messages asking us if we would still answer everybody on a personal level; we even received messages from bands telling us they were happy we were breaking up, admitting they were already spamming our friend list to take us down. As we said in the videos, the music business is a dirty business and people are ready to compromise almost everything defining who they are to become the next shooting stars floating somewhere above the rich and famous firmament of illusions. I guess success reveals the true nature of the people surrounding you… from immoral business partners who tried to financially abuse us, to some random bands pretending to be our personal friends in order to find stardom and t-shirt buyers… let's say the spectrum of music business bullshit and jealous people's lies has been large enough in the last couple of months to really question ourselves about our desire to go further. Fighting bruises and scars; but continual war's leaving souls with wounds deeper than death itself; we weren't ready to see each other dying of frustrations and bitterness. The road to stardom is filled with tragedies and perfumed with desperation. There's no success, there's no fortune, there's no gold record, there's no mansion and sport car that could have been enough to cover the shame of looking at ourselves in the mirror every morning knowing we compromised our values of social justice and betrayed our profound convictions of empowering people, only to taste a sample of fame and to cover ourselves with celebrity skins.
The "Love Is A Promise Whispering Goodbye" video series was our way to set ourselves free from all the gossip rippers trying to dig our souls into the rockstar cult pit. We don't want to brag around pretending we're immune against fears, doubts, insecurities, deceptions, treasons, hopelessness, lies about us, hurting people and so many other wounded feelings we have to deal with on a daily basis. We were burned out, we were discouraged and were emotionally exhausted. We were disgusted of seeing depraved individuals abusing our relationships with the YFE Family members in order to sustain their egocentric fixation and addiction to business control and love of money. The choices were easy to understand, becoming some money machines and entertainment whores or keeping our artistic identity and working according to our values. We ended up firing our business advisors, putting the album recording on hold and systematically refusing any touring offers. Even if we were facing strong legal storms, even if we were seeing most of what we had worked so hard for turning into ruins, even if everything scheduled for the band was postponed for a almost a year, we kept our hands open, knowing that our most precious diamonds were invisible. Who could tear off what's impossible for the rust to corrupt, nobody. Compassion and mercy have the power to turn dirty ashes into living water. I realized that some fights are won as you're stumbling down on your knees, ready to surrender everything you ever believed was yours. Everything we have or ever had is or was a wonderful gift you offered us along with your amazing friendship and your incredible support.
To be honest, we really hesitated before posting the "Love Is A Promise Whispering Goodbye" video series on our MySpace page. Many reasons were feeding our hesitations; we didn't want you to worry about our situation, we didn't want our words to be interpreted like we were ready to leave everyone behind and most of all, we didn't want to approach such sensitive topics without thinking about the consequences of opening up about the band's intimacy, considering the fact that all of those struggles were still hurting pretty deep inside every single one of us. So, when we decided that we had to expose ourselves on videos, we all agreed that it would have to be real… no censorship, no flashy words to expose dirt; we had to keep every single word without editing… in other words it had to be real, no rockstars, no illusion of control, no romance… only us, being who we are without the makeup of a promotional commercial set to sell some junk… we didn't know what to expect from each other, even if we all lived that buzz killing period together, we're all different in the band, so we're facing problems and dealing heartbreaks our own different ways. Who are we??? I'm a former junky; Alex is a former violent and criminal gang leader; Sef is a former depressive meds user; Ben is a former emotionally dependant guy; Charles is a former alcoholic and Miss Isabel is still dealing with the suffering vestiges of growing up with an abusive father using religion as a way to cover his own sins. It might not be the best promotional portrait an artist could wish for when releasing a new album, but we didn't care… this is who we are without confession, redemption and forgiveness… this is who we were without love… true love… "Love Is A Promise Whispering Goodbye" is nothing more than 6 artists who survived what used to keep them captive… set free by every single one of your words dressed up in messages, comments, emails, letters and cards.
I hope my "blog" has covered most of your questions and worries; I may not be a great writer, but I truly picked every word with the profound desire and intention to expose ourselves without compromises. It's not always easy to communicate my feelings, I only wanted to thank you for your support and your understanding. You've always been patient with me, always covered my innumerable mistakes and offered me the most precious gift someone could've given me: your trusting friendship. You saved us from deceptions and bitterness!!! Might not be a poetic prose, but it's true, I cared about you guys and I'm happy we finally did post these videos… I realized that a lot of beautiful dreams have been destroyed by people always complaining in the dark; I have compassion for these hopeless people feeding other people's hearts with the consuming fire of the bitterness they don't have the courage to assume for themselves. Yes, dreams are fragile, mine is not to be a rockstar or being famous. No, my dream is to lay down on my deathbed knowing I had the courage not only to say "no more", but to believe life could be way different when we're ready to face the ground as a free man kneeling in peace after defeating his own servitude. It's not courage, it's not even passion and determination that kept the band together, it was all about getting ready to lose what we knew wasn't ours… you know, we're not that different from you after all and I will conclude with the words Alex told me when I asked him if he will get back to blogging soon: "silence is nothing but a divine whisper our hearts aren't ready to surrender to"… so I guess that was my piece of silence for anybody to listen to tonight… to the stars through trials.
Ps: Knowing that some of you didn't see all the episodes of the "Love Is A Promise Whispering Goodbye" video series on our MySpace page, this is all 5 videos… the ending of each video is worth the watch… Sef… it's hard to imagine living away from that crazy guy ;)
YFETV --- Special Episode -- Love Is A Promise… – Part 1.
The Day Everything Almost Collapsed
YFETV --- Special Episode -- Love Is A Promise… – Part 2.
The Spirit Behind The Album….
YFETV --- Special Episode -- Love Is A Promise… – Part 3.
The Essence Crafting The Writing…
YFETV --- Special Episode -- Love Is A Promise… – Part 4.
Turning Passion Into Acoustic Whispers
YFETV --- Special Episode -- Love Is A Promise… – Part 5.
When Determination And Passion Are Leading The Way…